cloud 10.

I need to sort of vent right now and the best way for me to do that is to put it in writing, sooo…here it is :

- I feel like I’m becoming a better man everyday. I see myself learning, growing, maturing and becoming more comfortable with everything I do. Moving to NYC on my own was the best decision I’ve ever made. It was risky as hell, but you have to take risks in life to become what you want to become. In the past 6 months, I’ve learned an incredible amount of things and I’m damn proud of myself. I signed my first lease for my first apartment at only 19 years old. I was instantly given adult responsibilities and I’ve handled it like a veteran. I used to always feel like I was behind all my peers in everything. Now I feel like I’m doing more than most are at my age. I’m juggling school, basketball and work. I’m very busy, but staying busy is good. I’ve been so productive and I can’t be anymore proud of myself than I am right now. It took a long time for me to be completely satisfied with everything, but I was patient, kept working hard and stayed focused…looks like it’s paying off.

- I’m starting to develop a few new passions as time goes on. I’ve developed a passion for fashion. I’m obsessed with clothes now. I know, it’s material things, but I just enjoy buying cool clothes now. It’s become a passion of mine. Art is something I really enjoy now as well. Now that I have my own apartment, I wanna decorate the shit out of it with cool paintings and pictures. Something real dope looking. New York really made me develop many interests that I never really even thought twice about last year. It’s cool. I’ve also started to really, really enjoy writing even more than I have before. I’ve been writing “poems” since I was a sophomore in high school. I’m now a sophomore in college and my writing has gotten so much better. I can really see myself writing as a career. I’m switching my major next semester from Business Administration to English with a minor in Journalism. I can’t wait to become an even better writer.  On another note, basketball is still my number one passion. Always has been, and always will be. My burning desire to be around this game for the rest of my life is still very existent and I can truly say I haven’t lost a drop of love for this sport. Basketball is my wife.

- If there’s one area in my life where I lack experience, it’s building a long-lasting relationship with a woman. I’m picky. Always have been, and that’s a serious problem. I tend to be interested in certain women but then have a problem STAYING interested. I’ve made so many mistakes with women…I’ve showed the wrong women attention, passed up on good girls, lost chances with the right one, broke a really sweet girl’s heart, didn’t express my feelings the right way, or just waited too long to figure out what I wanted. I’m growing, and I’m learning every single day. I’m learning from my mistakes which in turn makes me see myself becoming REALLY ready to fall for a girl. I just want to find somebody who I’m crazy for. Somebody who I want to just simply spend time with, somebody who I can get to know, somebody to take things slow with and still enjoy every minute with her. I’m done living fast with women. I’ve grown out of that stage in my life. I want ONE girl, I just don’t know who that one girl is yet. I’m not searching, because searching never works. I also don’t NEED a girl. I’m fine with just my family, career, school, basketball, friends, music and work. I really am. Although, It would be nice to have a female that can really just add on to the happiness in my life…I apologize for ever breaking a girl’s heart, especially one with good intentions. I truly am sorry. I was scared of commitment. I wasn’t ready at the time but I know I’ll be ready next time the opportunity arises. I learned from my mistakes. That’s part of growing up and maturing. Learning what’s right and what’s wrong. Bare with me here. I’m getting better.